LovesEternalMuse

Everyday is a challenge to keep hold of my composure as I serve as the support that holds up what seems like a whole nation's self-inflicted trauma...Never thought that I would have ever think of not succeeding in this life with the brave, fearless grin I'm known for so well. So, I guess today and tomorrow will be filled with one more surprise to grin at, and this one will leave me with something lost...My once familiar and ever missed composure. Is the wail of an African woman living in America something created by only those of her kind? Was it created by African women living in America? That is something I wondered as I laid down my apartment souless cordless and turned off my hell in tow cellular and wailed like a kidnapped African Queen watching the clearest, foulest, most vile creature snatch the seeds of her enchanting womb and the sun and sum of her heart and loins known to her soul as husband as she was forced to hand over her femininity and most sacred gifts to a monster so sickening that it's horror is known universally by all shades and hues of the human race...If you felt a chill at night, I apologize, but it was my voice chilling your black air in the face of a grinning moon. It was my voice reaching for you...my elusive sistren and brethren. It was my voice aching for some peace in my space and begging for just a little help...just a little. It was my voice shaking with fatigue from fighting this ongoing 6 year battle of being so damn strong and not letting my terror and sadness read on my moon-like grinning face...for our sake...Yours, because you have your own uphill battle to fight and I don't want to add to your life's struggle...Mine, because I can't take the incoming load of disappointment that I would risk facing if you failed me as my support and did not serve your Creator-given responsibility as my friend, my help, my family...These shoulders are knowingly weak and one more thing might break this African's back...So, I wear the mask that grins and lies, it hides my cheeks and shades my eyes, this debt I pay to human guile, with torn and bleeding hearts I smile...I share the dance that bends and flies, it drips sweat to hide the tears that fill my eyes, this back I break to white monster's poison spread over our African drum beats with trickery, with tired and unwavering limbs I fly...

through our eyes..


It's time for smiles and it's time for tears and it's time for fights and it's time for questions and it's time for thought and it's time for me and it's time for light and it's time for rest and it's time for breath and it's time for fluidity and it's time for inspiration and it's time for control and it's time for revolts and it's time for risks and it's time for persistence and it's time for Africa and it's time for acceptance and it's time for clarity and it's time for family and it's time for honesty and it's time for realization and it's time for freedom and it's time for you and it's time for accountability and it's time for community and it's time for friendship and it's time for laughter and it's time for patience and it's time for wind and it's time for green and it's time for faith and it's time for words and it's time for space and it's time for sighs and it's time for existing and it's time for windows and it's time for security and it's time for wishing and it's time for rain and it's time for loss and it's time for home and it's time for adventures and it's time for reading and it's time for challenges and it's time for recovery and it's time for toes and it's time for wings and it's time for overstanding and it's time for disagreements and it's time for change and it's time for sankofa and it's time for memory and it' s time for good and it's time for reciprocity and it's time for pain and it's time for lyric and it's time for aggression and it's time for decisions and it's time for listening and it's time for humility and it's time for reinventing and it's time for poetry and it's time for chaos and it's time for blues and it's time for song and it's time for petals and it's time for experience and it's time for answers and it's time for unity and it's time for intuition and it's time for more and it's time for less and it's time for contradiction and it's time for pride and it's time for signs and it's time for composition and it's time for pictures and it's time for dancing and it's time for reclaiming our greatness...it is time...It is...

I'm the gravity defying love child that floats on magic's back while reaching for time...

So, I'm gonna try this blog thing out. I'm following my homegirls lead (shout out to Sarah). This is the safest way for me to open the doors of my personal anguish, challenges, successes, questionings, interests, and curiosities. I'm all about exploration (also inspired by Sarah). So, I'm opening doors, tunin' in, turnin' up, and lettin' loose. Today's thoughts have been centered around curiosity. I've been wondering about decisions made by me and those close to me surrounding their intimate relationships. I've always thought of myself as pretty risque, but lately I've become the prude...although my thoughts look the opposite. My folks are trying out all sorts of stuff...some of the things that I've wondered about and have even at times played with the idea of trying out, and some stuff that I'm just not interested in exploring. Shoot! I feel like it's about that time to live out some of those naughty and not-so-naughty dreams...I look forward to sharing the results of that! So, welcome to my journey...